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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Did you ever wonder why you didn't see it before?

I realized something this weekend that hit me so hard it took my breath away.

One of my sisters was talking about maybe having an anniversary party for our older brother and his wife...

I didn't really get involved and if it actually happened I didn't go.

I got a message on my machine to call one sister and I didn't.

For pretty much all of my adult life I have put alot of effort into my relationships with my sisters. It was really important to me.

My youngest sister actually lived with me off and on and I was pretty invested in that relationship.

Let me point out here that my youngest sister really doesn't like me much at all. Actually she dislikes me from what I can hear and see.

My whole boring "Suzie Homemaker" routine along with my normal middle class life thing irks her and my other two sisters and they actively express their disdain. Of course this has never stopped any of them from dropping their kids off with me, asking me for money for a down payment on a house or generally taking anything they can from me.

Its not that I am so perfect or anything but my house is clean, dinner is on the table, my kids can put a napkin in their laps and eat with some decorum and my husband and I get along pretty well for the most part. I don't have crap all over my floors, or three days of dishes in my sink and my kids don't have obesity issues or drug problems. ( so far anyhow)

I only say nice things to and about their children.

Yet, when I am with them its pretty much one mocking comment after the next towards me and to be honest. I am done with it.

Its hard to say when it happened for me. I think it was the last time the four of us got together. My sister left me this voicemail message on how glad she was she could be 'honest' with me.

Well you know what? Fuck that.

I have really nice friends, and two great kids a husband, a business of my own I like, I don't need their stupid petty aggravation anymore.

Why do I spend time with them when its just so not fun?

Its not like I am going to like stop speaking to them or anything, I am just done trying to get them to like me.

If it hasn't happened by now its not going to happen.

Its sad. I know I am not perfect either, I blurt stuff out and say things I shouldn't too.

But at least I apologise and I try to be nice. I don't make fun of them.

So this is it, I am done with this now, no more.

Poof!

1 Comments:

Blogger MisFitToy said...

That was sooooo good! So hard to say, I'm sure, but sooooo truly cathartic.
Don't allow guilt for those feelings.
You need to dump the energy leeches and pursue the positive influences in your life for yourself and your family.

By the way, I found a good , free course (a teaser as the 2nd and 3rd are not free)called simpleology.
Go to www.simpleology.com and sign up if you care to. I don't get anything back from this, but with your career work, this seems helpful for me in business and I believe could be for you as well. If not, no prob, as it's free!
Keep life on the island simple and uncomplicated with the family who leech the life out of you with comments and attitudes. Life is good, gulp it down and enjoy! L'Chaiyim!

4:30 PM  

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