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Sunday, October 02, 2005

The War at Home

Ok there is a biblical concept called shalom bayit, or peace in the home.

This is something I really try to achieve and for the most part I have to say I have done a pretty good job of it. The most important thing in my life, hands down, is my family and there is nothing that can ever change that as my priority.

That said being married is not an easy thing all the time, there is not a magic fairy of love who prances about sprinkling a love potion on everyone when things get tense.

To me, children have a right to a stable loving family.

Sometimes we have to come up with some creative solutions on how to stay married, and sane all at the same time. This is not always as simple as it looks.

One thing I realized is that telecommuting is not really working out that well. See, when I was a stay home mom in the day I was never home, I took the kids out to museums and playgroups, I went to the gym, I was always well out and about.

My husband telecommutes and what he actually did during the day was something I didnt really know about too much.
Now that I really am working all the time, I am home at my computer most of the time. Since my husband also telecommutes this has led to too much time together.

I have considered bopping him on the head with a two by four and telling him to stop asking me to make him lunch or read this funny email he wrote. But that just seems too well, harsh.

I have come to the conclusion that I will start to go to the gym in the morning again and bring my notebook to work at. I write in pen on paper alot anyhow that should help. Then I can always zip over to the university library to answer my email and stuff.

I can buzz the kids to school and be off to work myself. Simple.

See, marriage needs some nurturing. You can't just take it for granted. Someone has to adjust and tweek things that are going badly.

Its not that its SO terrible. My husband just thinks I have been a bit cranky. Anyhow, anyone who knows me should realize I am cranky alot so thats not a big deal. I just find I can't concentrate when he keeps doing the stuff he does all day.

He isn't all that busy as I thought, he has a ton of time to frog around. I really don't actually. His job is more rote I think, mine is more creative, and plus I am only just starting so stuff takes me a long time.

Last night I had dinner with two of my girlfriends and I told them what was bothering me. It was a huge relief. They said they could tell this all was bothering me but thought when I was ready to open up and discuss it I would. What a huge blessing it is to have close and supportive friends.

And today I had dinner with my aunt and uncle. ( Husband has been away closing up the cottage) They cheered me up so much too.

I can't imagine how people live without friends and family to help them with they are a little down.

Now that I have a plan I have this whole feeling of relief...whew.

I don't mean to imply I don't love my husband, I really do love him. I just can't be with him all day and all night! He is aggravating the daylights out of me!

So in the interest of shalom bayit, I am starting a new routine. If you see Mr Callie, don't tell him why the real reason is. I would never hurt his feelings and say " I am going to work at the library since you are irritating me with your nonsense all day"!

I am just going to say I am working on stuff I need books for . And party its true so I won't be lieing or anything.

People say honesty in relationship is best, but thats not always true.

A little white fib for peace and harmony at home isn't a bad thing.

Its not!

3 Comments:

Blogger EXSENO said...

Sounds like a good plan to me. I think where people like you and I go wrong with our husbands is we spoil them to much in the beginning, if you ever do that your stuck with it forever. lol

8:42 AM  
Blogger callieischatty said...

LOL How true!
I have always waited on my husband hand and foot.
I grew up like that and its a hard mind set to shake.
My sisters don't really do that, but for some reason I am a bit of a caretaker so go overboard.

12:25 PM  
Blogger DIAMONDKT said...

Being able to spend alot of time with someone you love is a great thing, but then whoever wrote the saying..."there is never too much of a good thing" just never experienced smothering or an overdose of "we time". Everyone needs some "me time" and needs to separate from who they love now and then, otherwise we will go insane and lose our own identity. I think everyone has the ability to get on another person's nerves.

7:43 PM  

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